

The fact is that many
of today’s older adults grew up in an age that emphasized sexual expression,
and most want and expect to stay sexually active. The emphasis on the effects
aging has on sexuality tends to be focused on men maintaining their erections,
which can be misleading about what really happens to people’s sex lives as they
get older.
How long a person stays
sexually active is dependent on a variety of factors, including culture.
In a study of aging Chinese men and women, traditional views of sexuality
prevailed, with an emphasis on penis-vagina intercourse and sex being something
a woman provides to her partner.
This and similar
cultural views of heterosexual couples also reflect traditional beliefs that
women stop thinking about or desiring sex after menopause, leading to
engagement in extramarital relationships.
In American culture,
anecdotally, it isn’t unusual to have a couple request sex therapy because the
male partner has engaged in sex with sex workers lest he bothers his
post-menopausal wife.
Something that contributes
to couples finding themselves in a sexless relationship is the “ick” factor.
Many people, including
older adults themselves, think that sex between two adults is gross or even
disgusting. I remember teaching a graduate school course in sexuality when a
student shared that she had found a vibrator in her grandmother’s drawer after
she died. While the student thought it was cool, there was an audible, “Ew!”
from her classmates. Older people interested in sex are sometimes portrayed in
the media as a “dirty old man” or a predatory “cougar” - stereotypes that
aren’t flattering.
Gay cisgender men also
complain that they are seen as less attractive in their communities, making
finding a partner difficult.
Another contributing
factor is how open people are to step outside the boundaries of penis-vagina
sex.
One study found that
couples who are more experimental and willing to try other ways of experiencing
pleasure are more likely to stay sexually active as they age. That’s a good
thing because another study suggests that adults aged 65-75 who are partnered,
sexually active, and satisfied with their sex lives enjoy better sexual
self-esteem and have a more positive attitude toward aging. Those who stick
with their same old script in the face of age-related functional decline or
chronic illness don’t fare as well.
Sexuality therapists
and counselors can do a lot to help older adults stay sexually active, given
they know how.
That is why
world-renowned expert Dr. Barry McCarthy will be presenting a live synchronous
course for us on November 13, 2021, “The
Keys to Couples Sexuality after 60.”
Not only will you learn
more about helping adults as they age - or even what to expect as you age - but you can earn AASECT
credit, plus The Buehler Institute is approved to provide APA, NBCC, and CA BRN
credit hours too!
Click here to learn more and enroll in “The Keys to Couples Sexuality after 60”.
Wouldn't it be a good idea to create a course?